Written with Christopher Houston

Outside Charing Cross station
There’s a statue of Oscar Wilde
Santa’s helper winked at me
Pointed north and he smiled

It’s a short walk up to Soho
Not much faster than by sled
who’s at this party, what do you know?
‘Merry Christmas!!’ is all he said

When Santa went to Soho
he set his sleigh-ride down
on the square near G-A-Y
just north of China Town
He popped into Admiral Duncan
for a merry pint of ale
then strutted off down Compton Street
in search of the Prowler sale

Mr Claus called Santa
and said when will you be home
Elton & David are coming round
and there’s just one helper gnome
Santa called Serena
and asked if he’d spare an elf
the one who played The Hobbit
or perhaps he’d come himself?

For I’m down in Soho spreading cheer
to twinks and bears and the gender-queer
lesbian seagulls and gay reindeer
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

When Santa went to Soho
he wore his suit of pink
his elves wore rainbow ribbons
and each gave a cheeky wink
he picked up a Pink Paper
and checked every personal ad
for good boys while distracted by
the boys who were very bad

Cos he’s down in Soho spreading cheer
to twinks and bears and the gender-queer
lesbian seagulls and gay reindeer
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Down in Soho spreading cheer
to twinks and bears and the gender-queer
lesbian seagulls and gay reindeer
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Riding through Soho
Camp as Christmas Day
Totally homo
fabulously gay!

Down in Soho spreading cheer
to twinks and bears and the gender-queer
lesbian seagulls and gay reindeer
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Recorded by The Vinyl Closet and available on Bandcamp.